Laughs
Although every team plays to win amateur football should be, and is, about having a laugh. And down the years there has been plenty to chuckle over...

...like the time when the wife of midfielder Simon Holmes ran onto the field with his dinner from the night before because he hadn't been home, and threw it at him.

True Blue Jamie’s face didn’t fit
In 1995 Jamie Philp raised a smile when he was refused entry at Selhurst Park to watch his favourites Manchester City play Wimbledon because he was wearing a rubber John Major mask. Stewards claimed he represented a danger. Not nearly as big a danger as Tony Blair, as it turned out. Jamie went away only to return later with the mask hidden under his jumper and was admitted. He shouldn't have bothered. City lost 0-3.

Where there’s smoke
Eyebrows were raised - and singed - in the mid nineties when Mellor signed a 3000 sponsorship deal with a heating firm called Flamerite. (PIC 1) To gain publicity for the three-year agreement chairman George Dearsley organised for a team photograph to be taken with fire eater Kevin Hawley blowing a plume of flame above the squad and Flamerite's managing director Peter Froggatt. Unfortunately, a change of wind direction at the last moment saw the flame shoot too close to the players' faces and many complained of scorched flesh! But the dramatic picture made the Manchester Evening News and a number of weekly papers. The pre-match warm-up before a game against Old Ashtonians didn't do the side much good. We lost 0-7!

Foxy boxing shocks the sixth form
A fundraising venture in October 1990 landed the club on the front page of the Stockport Express and page 5 of The Daily Star. (PIC 2) The club planned to stage a "Foxy Boxing" night with scantily clad girls in the ring. The venue was the hall of the Ridge sixth form college. Due to a mix up the club's committee thought the college knew all about the venture but when officials were made aware at the last minute they decided the event was not appropriate. Frantic phone calls saw the knock-out entertainment switched to Marple Liberal Club!

Norman tops the bill, the bar bill that is...
Fundraising, of course, is a constant struggle for amateur clubs. For 10 years Mellor ran successful sportsmen's dinners. But the income was dented one year when the committee were staggered to discover after the event was over that the guest speaker, ex Manchester United hero Norman Whiteside (PIC 3) had left a 40 drinks bill for us to pay! Lucky we hadn't hired George Best!

John turns out for the 'other team'
A fancy dress karaoke night in 1993 saw some interesting costumes (PIC 4) including teak-tough tiger tackler John Blow dressed as a woman. The real thing was in evidence in 2000 when Salford comic Scully brought two exotic dancers along to entertain the club at a gentlemen's evening (PIC 5).

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Fire Eater

PIC 1 The players feel the heat as fire eater Kevin Hawley gets to work.
Foxy Boxers
PIC 2 It nearly ended in tears when the club tried to bring 'foxy boxing' to Ridge sixth form college.
Norman Whiteside
PIC 3 Norman Whiteside (left) and George Dearsley. The ex Manchester United star found after dinner speaking thirsty work.
Karaoke
PIC 4 John Blow at Mellor AFC karaoke night.
Gentleman's Evening
PIC 5
In the summer of 2000 the club staged a fundraising gentlemen's evening. Members were entertained by two dancers and Salford comic Scully pictured here (far left) with the girls and Mellor club chairman George Dearsley.